Sophie Dodderidge and the Cup of Lava
by dorothy eclair song
Summary: Sophie Dodderidge, the simple - and that's being kind - but determined third year student has a small obsession with Harry, and is desperate to be his girlfriend. Meanwhile the triwizard tournament is about to take place, which Sophie finds baffling.
1. Chapter 1

i got on da hogwartz xpress nd I couldnt find a compartment dat didn't reject me. so I had to sit on da florr. but den I found 1 wiv just 1 boi sittin alone so I decided to sit in der cause my bum hurt. he was a slytherin, but oh well when my bum hurts I have to sit down properly yknowz?

Coz I am so sexii I wasnt scared of da boi so i did ma flirty eyes nd showed him ma wand (ew not THAT u perv pedo, Im gurl anyways duh!) which waz made of pure solidified troll excretion. it had a core of sloth hair clippings. it waz well gd. BUT…. he waz a massive moody pants! he totes ignoredz me and read sum stoopid book bout spellz or sumthing idek. clearly he tinks he is 2 gd 4 me but I don't see HIM with any friends… OOH BURN!

wen we got 2 hogwitz I scrambled sexily away frm da bitch boy nd scurried to ma common womb. dat is gryffindor coz I'm brav lyk. I pettd da houzelf coz I am so nice and friendly but den hermyieone came and started lecturing about house elfs rights n stuff. Ma toad was croakin coz he has a throat infection poor bb but i had to chuck it at crookshanks haha cant be tamed i am a bad witch put meh in tha dungeon harreh!

just den I saw him… the boy who lived… the wizard equivalent of sac efron… the most breasvt nd famoust wizard ever (at lest I tink, I am muffle born so idk 4 sho)… the most bootiful boy eva… HARI POTTA!

'hai hairy,' I sed nd den realised my mistack, 'OH NO MY FREUDIAN SLIP! I mean Harry!' I corrnected hurriedly blushin.  
he looked at me lyk I waz a supa freak frm mars bar OH NO I MADE A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF I fort rapidly. harreh went n talked 2 da ginga called won weazy or sumthink. I'm not a nazi or anyhtnik but all gingas shod be exterminated lol.


	2. Chapter 2

Iv bin woching hari alot recently cuz he is lyk bear fit but i cant talk 2 him cuz dat ginga boi is allways with him lyk sum sort of gay or someting idek and I cant be within 5 metas of him cuz of this restrainin orda dat he got on me or somethin idk. I don't even care cuz why wuld I wont to be near a ginga anyway ew I here they sweat orange juice.

anyways my plan iz in action. my plain iz 2 seduce harri by woteva mens possibilie. Dis menz I will look howver harri lyks nd I hav a genuisi plain to make him jealouse! by gong out with sum1 else who will annoy him HAHA! my choices are:

a) da ginga won weazly, pros are that he is desperpret (duh hes ginga) so it wood be eazy 2 entick hum wiv my sexeh looks. but he has a restrainin order or sumthink so bit awk.

b) dat boi on da train but hes well moodz nd I dnt even no who he iz…..

c) DRAKO MALFOrmed! WHY didn't I tink of this b4? He is harrys biggest enemy! hari will hat dis! drako is mingingly a slytherin but ALAS I can deal wiv dis 4 hari (nd at least draks not ginga).

I also ned to bring dwn harrehs groupies/friends/woteva (won nd hermyoine) so I can b close to him or those guise will neva let me. stoopid cooldren bums!


	3. Chapter 3

so i did sum investing and hari lyks dis chines gul or sumthin called cho chip and idk how i can make meself luk lyk her cuz obliviously her eys r difrent lol (im nut rasist its obvs) so idk i mite just die my hare darka so i luk mor goffic and kinda difrent.i think dats whot he lyks in a gurl (or boi im not a homophone). then he wil c me and think...'OMG SHE IS LYK CHO CHIP ONLI BETA SO I SHUD SCREW HER LOL'

l8r, wen i was dieing my hare i thought of how much fame i wud get after bein harris girlf, i wud be lyk his vanessa hutchofhens and hed be my sac efron n den i cud send nudez 2 evry1 so id be as famouse as her and den i cud get lots of money n den evry1 wud luv me (o no i 4got the gingas idk i gess i cud get rid of dem) but den i got so careed awai wif da blak hare die that it went on my pink fluffy slippas that hargid got me 4 xmas (long storii basicly he fancid me n bort me stuff but den ii regected him cuz his mank lol his beard ew) so den i tarted cryin tears of water and it wus rle sad :(((

okaii it turnz out after all dat blak hare die (i got dat hose elf 2 cler it up 4 me) dat hairy dusnt evan date cho chip ani mor hes mooed on 2 sum ginga whose probably a weasy cuz shes butters and shes ginga.  
i starrted crying agen cos my pllan isunt working. i wont to atract hari but if he has a feetish 4 gingas den its not guna wurk cos DERE IS NO CHANCE IN HELL DAT IM DIEING MY HARE GINGA EW NO i dont wanna sweat orage juice also my hare dressar wudunt recoment it so i startid crying agan WHY CANT HARI LUV ME 4 WHO I AM?


	4. Chapter 4

i decid it waz time to move on wiv ma plan nd trie 2 mack hari jealouse by datin some1 else, meanin drako malformed (remeber i decid he waz da best candydate?).

so i waited until drak was dun eatin in da grat hal 1 dai nd den i followed im. i mad sur he couldn't see meh by hiding behind sumthing everytim he looked round witch 4 sum raisen waz a lot. sumtimez i had to hide behind a person or pretendz to b a stature witch i waz bare convinvin at. SUDDENLY he stooped at confronted meh!

'What are you doing, you filthy mudblood?' he demanded 'What you are playing at, following me like that?'

i paniked so i sed 'cuz i wan to go out wiv yew to mak hari pota jealouse.'  
OH HAGRID'S BUT CRACK WHY DID I SAY DAT?  
luckly (or as i new all along see i'm clevver like dis IT WASN'T A MISTACK I PLANNED IT YEAH) drako looked plesed n sed 'So..this will really piss off Potter then?'

i looked at him lyk dude-can-you-see-me and clearz he could see meh so agrred to be ma boyf. I HAD SUSEEDED N I WAS GUN MAK HARI SO JEL HE'D BE LIKE JELLY (geddit).


End file.
